This blog is my own search for the best fitting answer to a simple question posed to me which is as follows:
“Nataraj nowadays I am not finding your Ashram garden photos.It seems you more interested in cooking”
I could simplify complex answer and move on, but once a while I thrive against the complexity, explore among the confusions and look for new clarities if possible, and new possibilities to emerge.
Hence this blog. The blog is created by spontaneous thinking and writing at the same time, as usual. So, it lacks a level of order and strategic focus, but there is a performance out there which can be interesting, at least to myself. Since reading such a writing can be a pain, I will make paragraphs with heading, so that someone can quickly view the answers and move on. I have structured the writing in terms of these headings and then went ahead with meditative blabbering, so that ultimately sanity rules over insanity.
1. Change is constant
The aspect of change around us keeps me amused. Some changes are within us, some are around us, some are in the context in which we apply ourselves and the surrounding. While some changes are ongoing, some are done with, some are anticipated, some are going to be surprise, some are that we are not even aware, whether they are from the past, present or future.
In the name of concious living, I tend to take a pause in my busy life and assess these changes from all the dimensions possible. The observation always leads to enormity of new information, and then I wonder what to do with it, and how best I can do justice to it, while still flowing the flood of changes, some in my control, some I simply need to surrender, which is which, again is a challenge to address.
2. Life is a complex subject for me
The game of life never stops to fascinate me. There are multiple dimensions to this game. One can see life as a journey from birth to death. One can look at it, existentially, as a dance or drama, and then wonder how to master the art and science associated with it. One can introduce many more contexts here, like purpose, a template to anchor self expression, a shop floor to anchor achievements, a laboratory of unending explorations, an unending set of pioneering expeditions to explore the never ending unknowns, a never ending sessions of therapy for the self and associated across what is assumed to be known, what is actually known, what is known to be unknown, what is simply a bundle of confusions, and what is not even known to be unknown.
I tend to become present to all these contexts, and the resulting complexity is the nightmare of insanities I thrive in with multiple personalities disorder. Yet, the good news is that, there is a level of sanity among all this, but sometimes people prefer to maintain a distance with me, as they are not as much comfortable as me to be exposed to all this nightmare of theirs, so I have a code of conduct, which is to hide my insanities as much as possible, but all willing and eager to share specific aspects to the one interested, but the resulting effect could be as much horrible as someone suddenly flashing their ugly private parts in the middle of a busy road.
3. I am fascinated by the interplay of opposites in any aspect of our reality
Our reality is very complex, and it is dynamic. But, our mind is limited, we tend to perceive it with our limitations. While I accept these limitations for me and the rest, I am always curious as to how much more we can transcend these limitations. So, my living experience is a jumble of myself subjected to the indulgence of living, simultaneously being an observer and enquirer, and also being an enterpriser as to how much different living can be, now and for future. There is a philosopher lurking too, how puts everything together, and extracts meanings out from all dimensions, mainly space and time.
While we seek order, lack of order is more owerpowering than order, but our mind shuts that aspect of reality for ourselves posing simplicity for our own sake of sanity. But, if I know that I have more stamina to deal with insanities, then I anchor myself on the grounds of sanity, and peek into these zones of insanities, sometimes venture into them with an umbelical chord kind of an arrangement from sanity to survive or to fall back for therapy and restoration.
As a result, I am constantly looking for making a better life, not just for myself but also for the rest, so I constantly negotiate across all the aspects, which can be best summarised as the collection of opposities, but there is a huge stretch of grey between these opposites which further complicates and confounds.
Bottom line, everything in our experience and communication is at best an approximation, half truth, mix of understanding, confusion and being lost. I sense all these for all concerned, sometimes seek clarity, sometimes expose lack of clarity, sometimes adding to the mess knowing or unknowing.
4. Life as a pesronal journey, in itself is positioning me as a researcher, subject of experimentation and customer, all at once.
Since our reality is complex, our journey is complex, our diaspora is a complex spread, I always look for simplifications in all our engagements: whether it is living, communicating, doing, catching up, therapy and what not.
One aspect of this simplification is approximation, another one is to ride on rythms of space and time. Another aspect is rationalization. Yet another aspect is to shower the energies of “orgasm” where space and time disapper at least for brief time, which can be achieved with a combination of love, intimacy, communication, energy and benevolence. But, the orgasmic experiences have their own traces and have some maintenance overheads to maintain “sadyojatha” kind of excellence in the different contexts of one’s life
5. The interplay of dimensions among ongoing changes brings its own complexity
Now, let me summarise all these complexities from a sense of self applying to all concerned. Through the slogan of intentional living which is nothing but applying more concience in our existence and self expression, one needs to exhibit a collection of approaches. At one end, we need to strive hard and move against the flow like salmons. At the another end, we need to go with the rythm and dance. At another end, we need to allow ourselves to be carried by the wind or flood. What to do when, and how much, is a question, seeking answers to which, one’s life time is not sufficient.
6. Key summary of changes around garden photos
My garden photography was deliberately pornographic. I called this long back as “pornography of nature”. The word pornography here means a level of indulgence which was obvious in my activities associated. There is also a level of orgasm resulting, which is not only fulfilling but also has the risks of addictive repetitions which you all witnessed. I also had the mission of bringing new meanings like developing garden photography as a new dimension within the world of photography and I did whatever justice I could do here. Further, I used this hobby to document the eternal dance of our jungle, which I called as a “living art” I just facilitate and wonder watching it and documenting it.
But, this jungle is a very tiny bit in overall manifestation of my life, which is not just me me me, but much more around it. Add to it the dimensions of incompletions, pending planned engagements, new triggers constantly emerging within and around, therapy aspect which is dynamic (everyone needs constant therapy, one who is unware of it or avoiding needs more of it. Therapy for me is simply the rationalizing aspect of living, so I mean much more than what is usually assumed by this world), and my own catch up with the dance of destiny (dance of destiny for me is simply the integration of space and time dimensions: each dimension is quite complex here, the interplay makes it further complex) in the context of self and the rest.
So, it is the rythm of life which facilitates repetitive engagement for me. When the rythm is lost, I thrive in lack of rythm too, by simply evoking many other suppressed dimensions of my existence, self expression and environment variables.
The rythm I had in my garden photography was this: Daily take photoes from the jungle. Every week or 10 days assemble them into a video using a simple yet elegant tool like Microsoft Movie Maker, publish them in different contexts of social networks.
This rythm was first broken somewhere in Nov/Dec 2021 where my laptop crashed and I had no backups for my work lasting 2-3 months. The losss associated was nothing compared to what has come so far and what is yet to come. This event was caused by two reasons, one my attempt to upgrade from Window 10 to 11 with no backups (overconfidence that Microsoft has matured in its lously software offerings) and lack of patience and time to explore recovery of lost data with expensive and time consuming recovery techniques. I took my laptop to a service provider, he simply coaxed me to reinstall windows losing all data and move forward.
The second event which gave the death blow to the rythm was the end of Microsoft Movie Maker as a free offering. There was no way of using the old versions on new versions of Windows. I attempted with all other free movie maker softwares out there, none matched to give the same simplicity and speed. The exploration itself was time consuming and I said enough of it. Since movies are not happening, photography also stopped. The winter condition of the jungle also dint motivate me to feel that I am missing a lot by stopping.
7. What is possible going forward?
I still thrive in using the good old Google Picasa software for quick photo editing. May be, I can drop the ideas of making video and simply share my garden photoes going forward. I do have collections from Nov and Dec to share. The months of Jan, Feb and March so far are write offs as I dint take garden pictures. May be today, I will go up with my camera and take a fresh look at our jungle thru the lens. In the next two weeks, I could edit the unpublished photoes and share.
This is the most simple answer I could say. May be I could have simply shared the last para here, but I felt this is an excellent opportunity for me to explore the dark areas within me and around me with the dance of destiny. What I have explored here is the tip of the ice berg which could be a cause for further mystery or depression, depending on who you look at these unexplored dark areas of self and surrounding.
Namasthe!
There is sanity within insanity, and vice versa
There is light within darkness, and vice versa
There is perfection within imperfection, and vice versa
There is motion within stillness, and vice versa
There is eternity within mortality, and vice versa
There is profound within mundane, and vice versa
On and on…..
So, let us live on all dimensions and celebrate who we are and who we are not too, simultaneously!
Welcome to the new dimension of living I am exploring into.
